Something to Believe In

from by Juliet Wright

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The young wife of a colleague of mine was very ill with cancer. How would I handle this news if it were me that were ill? How would I make it okay with myself?, I thought. Here are my answers.


Something to Believe In

The moment I woke up
Was the day the tests came back
With ev’ry word that left his lips
Sweat poured down my back.
Heart pounding, mind racing,
Soul screaming, paralyzing,
Knee buckling,
blood draining disbelief.
(God this isn’t real.)

With ev’ry breath
I’m filled with fear
Please dear Lord,
don’t leave me alone here
Bring your angels,
I need you near,
To say, “Fear not”
(God) Then give me

Something to believe in
Something to hold
Something to cling to
Before I feel too old
Wrap it around me,
Taste, touch, behold
Cuz seeing is believing.
(Won’t you tell me please?)

Something to believe in,
Something to hold
Something to dream about
Before my blood runs cold
Inject it like serum
Let the truth be told
Lord I need it now
(Won’t you tell me please?)

What is it about death I fear?
I’m really not having such a good time here.
Will I land in hell and burn forever
The pain and torment of the devils den?

Who’s to say I haven’t done it right?
Maybe I’m moving towards the Light
Dying will get me closer to God
I’ll be there to watch the Angels applaud
And they’ll give me

Something to Believe in
Something I can see
Something I can touch

And it can set me free
Something I can taste
on the tip of my tongue
Make me feel alive again,
make me feel young
(Won’t you tell me please?)

Something to believe in
A path that warms my heart
That gives my life meaning
A brand new start
Something to believe in
A sign to give me hope
A promise, a purpose,
an eternal telescope
(Won’t you tell me please?)

And what difference would it
make if I ended it all now?
Please dear Lord just make it stop,
I really don’t care how.
Swallow the pills, fire the gun,
Turn on the gas and let it run,
Either way the devil’s won,
Who’s to care? (Not you)

Where are you now?
Now that I need you
Please show me how
How I can see you.

But I guess that’s the way he wants it,
To end it would be a sin
This is our trial, our test of faith
Endure the suffering, and win the race

It’s not our show
It’s his to run, we can only come home
Like the prodigal son
Do our best to give up control
Bide our time, walk in faith
And search for




from Fearless Moral Inventory, track released October 2, 2010



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Juliet Wright Pownal, Vermont

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